Quirks

Yes. We all have them.
I am feeling emotionally quirky today. Which is fine.
Unmotivated (once again) to work, because I am so focused on a week from today, when I leave this office for ONE WHOLE MONTH in order to focus on my pending wedding, and then my future AMAZING life with the man of my dreams. *sigh* does anyone other than me, realize that this is THREE WEEKS AWAY!?!?!?!?!?!?!
though life isn't perfect, and in no way is my happiness pending on Adrian.
I try not to let it. hm.
It takes the greatest strength, to be able to put Adrian in the row BEHIND God. In the "backseat" - in order to bring him the MOST I have to bring it all to God FIRST.
you all know what I am saying.
anyhow. that's just a thought. was reading similar thoughts on another blog. thought I would add my two cents. for my own benefit (?).

quote of my week: "ai yai yai!"
I think in almost every email I have written, it has included that. exclamation. that and: "sweeeet".

more about the quirks - you see I feel unusually jittery.
Like tears could come at any second.
And yet I also have to use the facilites in a bad way, so maybe it's just the pressure on my bladder.

I hate how much I long to be loved. How the threat of someone "not loving" me, makes my stomach turn, and my world tip slightly to the left... so my perspective becomes hazy, and suddenly anything anyone says has a double meaning, and my soul feels threatened. My weaknesses are there for the world to criticize, and I am trying to stay humble yet confident - so I am bouncing back and forth between picking at my faults and flaws, and reminding myself that it's alright... that I'm working on them... that I'm not perfect.... and that I have great strengths too! "But Maria - that doesn't mean you can excuse your lack of __________ [fill in blank]" - you know? the circle? that doesn't end?

Who am I talking to anyways? Who is it?

Anyhow. Even an optimist has questionable days, correct? I know it.
However - the extra ridiculous thing, is that I have this component, this ability, to publish my "post" - and as I stand up, and walk over to the bathroom, I'll joke around with Heidi (who lives in the office next to me... hehe) and laugh loudly, and feel content with life again.

I think that I can change my emotional state, faster, and easier than most. It's almost inhuman, actually. I can mentally switch gears, and gain perspective! weird.

I am going to finish. Just there. Just so.
I would LOVE to have a clean apartment, with no clutter - with the perfect organizational tools - so that everything I have would be stored ideally, and I would know EXACTLY where it all belonged, and went, the moment I purchased it, or recieved it, or re-discovered it.
Because right now, I have a lot of work to do in that category. The irony? I LOVE organizing. I just need a day. one day.

mariajane.

I don't think I EVER finish when I plan on finishing. (re:the last paragraph I wrote. please re-read the first sentence.)

Sip Sip... Chat Chat...

Coffee Thoughts...
I love this green mug... I own a green mug that is similar - mmm... A conversation over coffee... always!

I have been doing a lot of thinking about life. About my life - my calling, my gifts, my purpose, my future - and also - what church means to me. What it is, or what it should be. If there is ONE definition, of what "church" means. I guess not, cuz all churches are so different - but was there a guideline... a way to know what sunday morning should look like? A way to know how to build community, and yet get outside of yourselves in order to bring Christ to the world? How do you do it all? And with integrity? and without being afraid of Man? Cuz Man - Man is a killer! Working in church can get you that way - you ALWAYS need to refocus, and hear clearly what God has called you to - but it's hard, when people are so crazy opinionated! Including me! I get in the way of God often - he wants to do something new - and I am just stuck on the old! Argh Maria! anyhow. There is a lot going on. Mostly in my heart and mind... Isn't this funny? These blogs - it is literally like a little mini journal, that everyone can read! The times: are good. Keep thinking, folks. (my dad says 'folks'... I'm so proud...) And keep feeling - keep pursuing a God encounter - an encounter of Grace. An encounter of worship... and make the effort to remember that God created you, primarily to worship Him! And sometimes, when you don't even know it, you are doing just that! By being obedient! By channeling and using the gifts he has put in you - in so many ways... (this is as much a reminder for me - than anything else!)

And on the side: I went camping this past weekend - just Saturday to Sunday. And I am so grateful that I had the wisdom to purchase a French Press a while back. A French Press - if you didn't know - is a coffee press! You pour boiling water in, over top of loose coffee grounds (which have been ground more coarse than for a usual drip coffee maker) and let it steep for about 4-5 minutes. Then you press it down, and VOILA! It's SO perfect! And this way of making coffee, actually grabs more flavour out of the coffee bean! So I love it! And thinking about a "conversation over coffee" I got this mental image of my coffee press (Oh how I love it...) and thought I should make reference. If you want one, check them out!

kay! That's it for the most random, crazy blog entry EVER. what is with me anyways...

Keep lovin' life oh friends! God is good!

mariajane.
(it's raining right now... go AWAY humidity! heh heh...)

Cont'd.

30 Days Left

Hey dudes - So there is now only 30 days...
ONE MONTH basically. How intense is that...? Well - fairly intense! I feel - good. Calm. Ready.
I cleaned the apartment last night. Anyone live in Winnipeg? Well then - you KNOW that it is ridiculously hot and muggy lately... last night was NO exception. It was CRAZY! I was dripping, and sticky, and crazy, as I tidied up, dusted and vacuumed, and did dishes... AI YAI YAI!!!!!

But it was worth it!
Adrian and I purchased a beautiful big queen size bed, with a frame (a sleigh bed) - and it is so pretty! It looks super good in the master bedroom... we love it! Our new sheets and quilt look good too! he he... So it's fun to continue to really develop what your new home together looks like. I had been trying to put some of it off - cuz I knew that it would change when Adrian got there... but now - with one month left... I am starting to organize... and do away with things that are useless.... etc!

It's crazy! But so fun. So organization was also the name of the game yesterday (something I love when I have time! Believe it or not!) and also watching a few episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond - which I have just fallen in LOVE with! Deborah has GOT to be the BEST TV mom EVER!!!! She's so great. I love it. And they are all EQUALLY funny! You know on some shows you think to yourself: "Aw, it's too bad 'so and so' isn't as funny as 'so and so'..." well - on ELR - THEY ARE ALL HILARIOUS! EQUALLY!

oh the capitals. they have to come out. they do!

mariajane.

Countdown

36 Days Left

Frisbees... oh the joys!

Hey dudes!

Guess what? I accomplished some stuff this morning! YAH! I DID!
so I thought you all should know, so you could be thrilled with me... he he... tee hee hee...
Um - good times, yeh? I know it.
So I hope you are all so excited with and for me.

New thoughts? unsure.
Listening to Sixpence None the Richer... not minding it... you know - happy and warm fuzzies for the most part - not tooooo originally FREAKISHLY awesome, but relatively solid listening, as I ploud through work stuff. Oh good times!
I have discovered that I have to be organized to be productive. So at the TOP of my day, if I write myself some lists, and then keep that list in front of my face for the most part... I will stay relatively focused (relatively) - which is good! Good times!

Last night Adrian played Ultimate Frisbee with some church friends (from my "old" church - covenant crc - go team!) - I sadly could not play as my good 'ol nerve, and back issues aren't quite ready for the 'jarring effect' of playing ultimate... which is too bad! good excercise, and fun! Although, I will be honest: I don't think I would have been an asset to the team. When I panic with a frisbee I tend to throw spasmadically - only encouraging, and giving the other team many opportunities to CREAM us - so it's a good thing that Adrian played and NOT I - because he is a superstar! Yah! Go mister enns!!!!!!

I have this HORRIBLE frisbee story - wanna hear it? YES YOU DO!!!!! So Adrian LOVES Disc Golf - which is basically golf, but with frisbees (see picture at side of basket, and player throwing disc). Now listen guys, this sport is intense. It is actually (in all truth) a real sport, you can really buy frisbees that are different weights and sizes, which are for drivers, putters, etc. etc... even floaters, incase you are throwing near a river! There are only two locations in MB - one on Marion & Archibald - and then one out at Providence College! True story!

Okay - so the story! We are out playing Disc Golf this one glorious day, last summer/fall with our oh so amazing friends Ray & Nat Morin... It was my turn to throw the frisbee, and the basket was quite a ways off, so I was warming up for a strong distance-toss... Natalie was just off to my left (well, really quite off to my left!) and in NO WAY in the line of where my throw was going. As I was winding up, I thought to myself: "should I ask Nat to move? - nah... as if I would throw it THAT off!!! Ha ha Maria" [yes, these are my true thoughts. no noke. no word of a lie.]
I wind up, and heave the frisbee for my most excellent distance throw - and NAT GOES DOWN!!!! I pegged her IN THE NECK with my Driver!!!! Which is one of the heavier discs AT THAT!!!! Someone behind me yells... "SHE'S DOWN!!!! SHE'S DOWN!!!!!"
And Nat has collapsed on the grass, moaning and holding her neck!!!!!

MARIA JANE YOU IDIOT! WHOSE THROW IS THAT OFF!?!?!?! WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?

anyhow. Needless to say, after Ray (her husband) came DASHING out of the shrubbery (where he was retrieving his own thrown disc) to the rescue... Nat was able to stand, with tears in her eyes, and a large red welt on her neck, and continue playing.
I have not, and will not forget this injury. And every now and then, we like to bring it up... To laugh at me, and the way that Nat FLUNG herself onto the grass after the toss... and the way that Ray BOUNDED up the grass embankment to help his cherished one... It was an amusing time AFTER the fatal injury was pronounced less fatal.

I felt pretty lame.

THE END.

Have a delightful day! I am ending at THAT.

oh the times we have. hm? what now? what was that maria?
I do like to attempt to KILL My friends on the odd occasion.
watch your backs.

mariajane.

For more information on Disc Golf, check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disc_golf